Brendan's Story
See more photos of our beautiful baby Brendan
On the evening of June 26, I went into labor suddenly and unexpectedly. Matt rushed me ten miles from the vacation home in Cape May, NJ, where we were visiting with his relatives at the time, to near-by Burdette Tomlin Memorial Hospital. The nurses quickly realized I was already fully dilated and ready to deliver, however the baby had his arms up above his head so I needed a caesarean section to deliver. They got me into surgery and gave me a spinal to numb the lower half of my body. The spinal failed so they had to give me general anesthesia and put me completely under for the delivery.
Brendan William Smith was born at 10:24 pm on Sunday, June 26, 2005. He was 1 lb. 15 oz. and 13.25 inches long. He was beautiful, with a full head of very dark, slightly wavy hair. He got his dad's big feet and had the most gorgeous, long fingers I've ever seen. His eyes were a deep, dark blue and his eyelashes were long and delicate.
Because he was born three months early (at 26 weeks' gestation) Brendan's lungs weren't developed enough for him to be able to breathe on his own. He was immediately moved from the operating room where he was delivered to a bassinette so that he could be put on a ventilator and have his vital signs checked and monitored. Five hours later, at 3:30 am, he was wheeled into my recovery room so that I could see him briefly. He was in his bassinette and surrounded by machines, tubes and blankets but I got to say "hello" to him for the first time and finally see his tiny face.
After our brief greeting he was rushed by ambulance -- the evening's weather conditions wouldn't allow helicopter flight -- to the Childrens' Hospital of Philadelphia (CHoP), one of the premier childrens' hospitals in the country. There he could receive the highest level of NICU care possible.
Like the pregnancy, all reports from his first few days at CHoP were perfect and encouraging. During his ambulance transfer to CHoP during the wee hours of Monday, he did so well that they were able to turn down his ventilator. Throughout Monday and Tuesday he received several doses of surfactant to help his lungs develop and he tolerated them all well, except for one where his stats dropped briefly. Early on Tuesday morning, a small amount of blood was found in his breathing tube and attributed to a hemorrhage in his lungs. The nurses slightly turned up his ventilator to put some pressure on it and it subsided. Since he was a little jaundiced, he spent the day sunbathing under sunlamps.
Tuesday evening Brendan recieved a cranial ultrasound though, and I received a call in my hospital recovery room from his doctor.
When a baby is delivered as early as Brendan, the doctors are concerned with three things: his lungs, brain and heart, in that order. Since he had been stable and doing well on his ventilator, it had come time to look at his brain.
What the radiologist found was bilateral grade 4 bleeds. A normal brain is grade 0. Grade 1-2 are slight bleeds, Grade 3 is a sigificant bleed, likely to result in damage to the brain. A Grade 4 bleed is extremely serious and will certainly damage the portion of the brain involved. Brendan had Grade 4 bleeds in both sides of his brain. The scans showed extensive amounts of blood and clots around and throughout his entire brain. The radiologist said that it was among the worst bleeds that he had ever seen.
I immediately got myself discharged from Burdette Tomlin, Matt rushed over to pick me up, and we drove through the night accompanied by Matt's parents to see Brendan at CHoP.
The first time I was able to see my son at CHoP he was sunbathing under lights to treat some jaundice and so was wearing enormous purple foam "sunglasses." They turned off the lights when we arrived and removed the shades so that we could see his face better. After we spent a few minutes with him, Dr. Kaplan arrived.
Dr. Kaplan, the neonatologist taking care of Brendan at that point, advised us that they could keep him comfortable with a morphine drip for the immediate future but that there was no chance of a "positive outcome" for our youngest son. Because of this, Matt and I decided that we would have all of the tubes and machines removed from him after he was baptized. While we waited for the priest we talked to Brendan and stroked his hands and face. We gave him dozens of kisses on his tiny forehead and each one seemed to calm and comfort him, even when his body language told us that he was uncomfortable. We marvelled at how large his feet were for his size and watched him open his big blue eyes at brief intervals.
The priest arrived a short while later and performed his baptism with Matt's parents as witnesses and acting as his godparents.
Hospital personnel then led us to a private room and a few minutes later brought Brendan to us there, clothed in a tiny sleeping gown and knit cap and wrapped in a blanket. We were able to talk to, kiss, and hold Brendan as he died and that was important to us, and hopefully to him as well. His last moments were spent wrapped in soft, warm clothes and being gently held, kissed and spoken to by his Mommy, his Daddy and his Buscha and Papa.
After living for just over two days, Brendan died in our arms in the early morning hours of Wednesday, June 29, 2005.
Week 18
I started feeling the baby move about two weeks ago but it wasn't hard enough for anyone else to feel it. As of a few days ago, he's now strong enough that Matt can feel him kicking too though. He seems to be more active and vigorous than Clayton was at this point but less tough on me than Diana was. A clue to their innate natures maybe? Clayton was a pretty quiet and easy baby in the womb and the same once he arrived too. I guess we shall see. :)
Below is the baby at 18 weeks and 3 days. He's laying on his back and you can see a nice view of his profile on his left side, as well as some of his underlying facial bone structure and his left arm bone.
Week 15
Below is the baby at 15 weeks and 1 day gestation. He's about 4 inches long now and every measurement and photo we have of him shows him to be perfect and right on-target in every way.
The first photo is a side-shot, with the baby's head on the left. The second shows the between-the-legs shot that allowed us to see that it looks like he's a boy. The camera's angle is from below the baby so you can only see his bottom, legs and genitals.
Week 12
At exactly 12 weeks gestation Matt scanned me and, although you usually can't see the gender for another month or two, we got a "lucky shot."
It looks like Clayton is going to have a little brother. :)
Week 11
An ultrasound taken of the peanut by Matt at 11 weeks and 1 day gestation. Although only only walnut-sized, we can already see the profile of the baby's face:
Week 10
Baby's first picture, taken by Matt at 10 weeks and 1 day gestation. We got to see the peanut wiggling around and waving its hands and feet for us for a few seconds:
